The Real Xenosaga
by Xenosaga Sister
Summary: A bunch of funny little short stories based on events in Xenosaga ep. I and II!
1. In the case of Jr and Sakura

**The Real Xenosaga**

**Xenosga Sister: Wow, I haven't put anything up in a long time, anywho it's good to be back! This story is actually a bunch of funny short stories based on events from Xenosaga ep. I and II. I hope you all enjoy it and review!**

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**In the case of Jr. and Sakura**

Ok you all know how at the end of ep. II Jr. talks to Sakura and then chaos appears out of nowhere right? Well after painstaking research we can now tell you how it all really went down. This is the REAL story.

After defeating Albedo Jr. sat in darkness crying, then Sakura appeared to him saying something like, "Why are you crying?"

And then Jr. said something like, "L-leave me alone, I just tore away half my body with my own hands!" And yadda, yadda, yadda, we all know the rest!

Well Jr. must have been in a whole lotta shock not to notice that Sakura was suddenly like a foot taller that him, had brown skin, and Jr. must not have noticed the silver hair peaking out underneath Sakura's brown hair. And don't ask us how he didn't note Sakura's odd man-trying-to-sound-like-woman voice, but he thought it was her. So then Nephilem appears, and Jr. must have been spacing out or something caused he didn't seem to hear this...

"So was I convincing or what?" chaos smiled at her.

"Um...yeah...I guess...uh chaos, you can take off the dress and wig now..." Nephilem stared at him, creeped out no doubt.

"Really was I?" chaos was still trying to sound like a girl.

"Ok, yeah you were! Now stop talking like that it's creepy!" Nephilem took a few steps back, sweat dropping.

"Ha, I knew it!" chaos smiled, at this point Nephilem was about ready to have a heart attack from shock and just being creeped out.

"Ooooooooook, riiiiiiiiight, whatever, anywho, a tiny ripple has just been born and one day it will grow into large wave that will consume even them." She took a few more steps back, "Well, I'm leaving bye." Nephilem was about to leave...

"Hey wait we still have a few more lines." chaos stared at the peice of paper with everyone's lines written on it.

Nephilem floated up into the air, "Who cares! I'm not spending another second with you, weirdo!" And with that she vanished.

Yup, so that's how it all went down, of course Namco and Monolith didn't want you to see that and edited everything, but it's wonderful what some reasearch can find! Join us next time when we reveal what really happens in Wilhelm's office.

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**Xenosaga Sister: Ok that chapter sucked but whatever, the next one's should be better and if you have any ideas and how I could improve just tell me in your review. R & R please, thank you!**


	2. In the case of Wilhelm and the Testement

**The Real Xenosaga**

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**Xenosaga Sister: Ok here's chapter two!**

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**In the case of Wilhelm and t****he Red Testement**

You know we don't see much of Wilhelm do we? Have you ever wondered what the suave puppeteer does when we're not looking. Well though our wonderful research we can now tell you! This is the REAL story!

"A little to the left, no...back to the right. Ah-hah there you got it!" Wilhelm smiled at the Red Testement, who was holding a mirror.

Red Testement stared at his Master, even through his mask one could tell he as a bit freaked out, "Excuse me sir, but shouldn't we make sure everything is proceeding according to plan?"

Wilhelm smiled and shook his head, "Now, now, if we did that all day, then when would I have time to fix my springy hair?" Wilhelm pouted.

The Red Testement stared thinking: _Ok this guy is freakin' nuts! _"Uh...uh yeah, I guess you would have time to...fix...your...springy...hair...uh...yeah. But sir what if something should happen to thwart our plans?" He tried to reason with Wilhelm who was now spraying his hair with hairspray.

Wilhelm glared at the Testement, "So what if something happened! MY SPRINGY HAIR IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE FIRST PRIORITY!" 'Wilhelm's shouting mad the red-cloaked-man jump back.

"Of-of-of c-course s-sir." The red testement was trembling now, "Springy hair is always first."

Wilhelm smiled again, "Well, your hard work has payed off, my hair is as springy as it should be." And to show what he said was true Wilhelm grabbed his hair and stretched, then let go, his hair snapped back in to place instantly, "See, isn't that cool?"

The testement began to sweat drop, "Yeah...cool...heh-heh!" Although he was thinking: _Note to self: Must find a new job! This guy is gonna drive me crazy! _

When we discovered this it came as a big shock to us, as Wilhelm had never seemed like the type of person to worry about that stuff, we everyone has their secrets, and who knows what else we might find. Next time we'll tell you the REAL reason Kos-mos gunned Virgil down.

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**Xenosaga Sister: Hope this chapter was better than the last, anywho R & R please! Btw the idea for thischapter and the first onecame fromtwo fan comics I saw, I thought they were great! Anywho see ya!**


	3. ITCO Shion, Kosmos, and Virgil

**The Real Xenosaga**

**Xenosaga Sister: Well here's chappiethree!**

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**In the case of Shion, Kos-mos, and Virgil**

Now we all remember back to when KOS-MOS gunned Virgil down, she said it was because he was in her line of fire, right? Well our research has once again discovered the shocking truth! This is the REAL story.

KOS-MOS walked on as she gunned down Gnosis after Gnosis as she did the whole time she was thinking: _Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww, how ugly! He's so nasty! First he was a jerk and then he became a creepy addict, and now he's gone to being a creepy addicted jerk! I don't think I can stand much more of this._

This was about the time KOS-MOS had rescued Shion from the Gnosis and Virgil said when he first saw her (Kos-mos), "What the hell is that?"

As we all know KOS-MOS didn't say anything to him but our reasearch of her data logs shows that she was thinking: _I'm an android, but atleast I'm not some messed up dude with a jacked up face! Great, not only is he a creepy addicted jerk but he's rude too! I outta kill him!_

So as we know they ran all around the Woglinde until the reached the hanger with the Zohar. There, Shion was attacked by the Gnosis, and KOS-MOS turned around to fire.

_Ugh! Will you move Virgil? Dammit get out of my line of fire! Huh? Ewwwwww, was that just dead skin coming off his face? GROSS! That's it if I have to see that one more time I'm gonna puke! _As so KOS-MOS fired, and well..._There chaffing face all taken care of...oh, better think of an excuse quick!_

"KOS-MOS, do you realize what you've just done?" Shion asked her.

"At that time the Lutenient was in my line of fire."

Shion got angry as we all know, "That's no excuse! Why you'd shoot Virgil, with your kind of power you don't need to sacrifice anyone! Have you know concience?"

"Shion you forget I am merely a weapon, you of all people should be well aware of that fact. Furthermore the lifepod only accomidates two, I believe it is obvious who get's priority." Now here's the part you didn't see, KOS-MOS sighed, "No actually the reason is I couldn't stand to look at this messed up face anymore, and since he was already in position so I just shot him along the Gnosis."

Shion blinked, "Oh, well uh, his face IS pretty creepy...ok, well I guess that's too bad, heh-heh, ok let's move on!"

And so as you know the Gnosis got the Zohar, Shion, Allen, Cherenkov, and KOS-MOS all escaped, I guess the lesson is if you should ever meet KOS-MOS then make sure your skin is not chaffing. Wow poor Virgil though, well at least he's still alive! Well the next mystery we uncovered has to do with the Testements and a little incident with the compass of order.

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**Xenosaga Sister: Well that's it for this chap. Read and Review please, thank you!**


	4. In the case of the Testements

**The Real Xenosaga**

**Xenosaga Sister: Well chapter four is up!**

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**In the case of the Testements**

A constant enigma in the world of Xenosaga, the Testements. Who are these strange people, and to what significance do they hold? So serious, and loyal, bent on doing the jobs assigned ot them by Wilhelm, but they may not be as mature as they seem...

This is the REAL story.

"Well I'm leaving the four of you to watch the office while I'm away. I'll be back in a few hours." Wilhelm said as he headed out the door, "Remember, no one touches anything, or else! That goes double for you!" He glared pointing at the blue testement. He smiled and headed, "Ok then bye!"

After Wilhelm left the blue testement punched the ground, "Man, why's he always gotta point at me? I didn't do nothin'!"

The red testement shook his head, "_...didn't do nothin'? _Well then that would mean you DID do you something."

"Eh?" The blue testement stared clueless.

"Nevermind, you're stupid!" The red testement sighed.

"So like where is the Master going anyway?" The white and black testement emerged.

"Probally to get some more products for this _springy _hair." The red testement said sarcastically.

"Springy hair?" The other testements stared at the red one.

"Nothing..."

About half an hour later...

"Man, I'm bored! There's nothin' to do around this dump!"

At this point the red testement was starting to become annoyed with the blue testements whining, "Then find some way to entertain yourself!"

The blue testement walked off grumbling something about the red testement being a boring old hag, then he looked over at the compass of order, "Ooooh, so shiny! Must. Touch. Shiny. Thing!" And he wandered on over to the compass, and started poking it.

"Hey what are you doing you're not suppose to touch that!" The black testement scolded.

Virgil, the blue testement, glared at him, "So what are you now? My mom?"

"No! But the Master said--you know what, let's just watch a flashback." Voyager, the black testement, pulled out a remote and a larged screen descended from the ceiling. It fliped on and there was a close up of Wilhelm in slow motion saying...

"Nooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooone tooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuucheeeeeeeeeeeees aaaaaaaaaanyyyyyyyyyythiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing, ooooooor eeeeeeeelsssssssssssssse! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat goooooooooooooeeeeeeeeesssssss dooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuubleeeeeeeeee foooooooooooor yooooouuuuu!"

Virgil waved him off, "Relax! What's the worse that could happen?"

The white testement stared, "Ummmm, Virgil? I don't think the compass is suppose to tip that way..." But before he could say anything else there was a grim moment of silence followed by a loud crashing sound, and the sound of shattering glass.

"You IDIOT!" The red testement screamed at the top of his lungs.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT!" Virgil tried to calm him down, but to no avail.

"See, see, I told you not to touch it! Nobody listens to me! A dog barks and everybody knows that little Timmy is stuck in the well, but I speak plain english and you ignore me!" Voyager complained.

"Vigil look what you did? Just imgine what'll happen when Master Wilhelm finds out about the compass, he'll be so sad!"

"SHUT UP ALBEDO!" Virgil snapped at the white testement. At that Albedo when off in a corner and started to cry.

"Don't take this out on him! It IS YOUR FAULT!" Voyager snapped back.

"So what! Who cares about the compass, what about me? Do you have any idea what he'll do to me once he see's this!" Virgil was starting to panic.

"Well then you better fix it!" The red testement was trying to regain his composuer.

"Well don't just stand there think genius boy!" Virgil snapped at the red testement.

"What why do I have to think of a way to fix it?" Kevin, the red testement, said in shock.

"Cause you're the smart one!" Virgil pointed out.

"Hmmmmmm...well...uhhhhh, I know! Super glue, and duck tape! These items are the solution to our problems." Kevin said with and ounce of happiness.

"Alright let's do this!" The testements picked up the shards of the compass and the broken peices and fixed up the compass in about an hour, lady luck would have it that Wilhelm wouldn't come back then. Finally it was done, the compass looked the same as before...if you ignored the glue and tape all over it! About a two hours later, Wilhelm returned.

"Well I'm back, I see everything is still in order." He went to his desk.

"Heh-heh-heh...um yeah everything is just as you left it...sir." Kevin said nervously.

It seemed that the testements would somehow get away with what had occured just a few hours earlier. Unfortunately their luck ran out, the was moment of silence followed by a crashing sound, and the sound of shattering. The compass had fallen apart.

"Everything is in order, aye?" Wilhelm looked at them with a sort of evil smile, his voice was calm but you could tell he was angry. He got out of his seat approached the testements, and...

We have no details as to what occured after that all we know for sure is that the testements were checked into the hospital, and remained there for several weeks. Who knows what other mysterious things we will find, but join us next time when we reveal parts of the meeting between Wilhelm and the Testements at the end of ep. II that were not seen.

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**Xenosaga Sister: Whooie! That was a long chap, hope you liked it! Read and Review please, thank you!**


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